Archive for March, 2009

March 15, 2009

The River

river1You know a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows.
And a dreamer’s just a vessel that must follow where it goes.
Trying to learn from what’s behind you and never knowing what’s in store
makes each day a constant battle just to stay between the shores.
And I will sail my vessel ’til the river runs dry.
Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.
I’ll never reach my destination if I never try,
So I will sail my vessel ’til the river runs dry.
Too many times we stand aside and let the water slip away.
To what we put off ’til tomorrow has now become today.
So don’t you sit upon the shore and say you’re satisfied.
Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tides.

-Garth Brooks, song “The River” co-written with Victoria Shaw

March 14, 2009

Life happens

Life doesn’t stop because you’ve set your eyes on the prize.  There are and always will be obstacles.  I have to learn new ways to take care of ALL the things that require my attention while still working toward my goals. 

Last night I got a phone call from my son who lives with his dad.  He asked if I could come get him in the morning because he didn’t want to be there anymore.  Of course, I went in to mom mode.  I could hear the desperation in his voice, so I immediately started asking questions.  I told him he was scaring me.  He said his dad had some issues with his report card.  Before I go on I should mention that his father has a history of domestic violence and his parenting skills leave a lot to be desired.  Why did I allow my son to live with him you ask?  Well, when he was 11 he told me that he wanted to go live with his dad.  I think he was really yearning to have the relationship that all boys long to have with their fathers.  I couldn’t deny him the opportunity and risk having him resent me later, never knowing what could have been.  But in my heart, I knew he was going to be disappointed. 

My son has always struggled in school.  He is a very intelligent boy, and although he was never diagnosed, we have suspected that he may have ADHD.  Growing up my son was unfortunately subject to the type of mentality that believes boys need to be tough, not show emotion, etc.  He was disciplined frequently, and as a result has a short fuse and suppressed emotions that surface as rage. On the other hand however, he is one of the sweetest boys you will ever meet. 

So when his dad confronted him in a very aggressive manner about my his report card, it quickly escalated to a physical altercation.  My son was put in a headlock, tight enough to restrict his breathing.  He was punched on his body and face and sent to his room.  All of his electronic toys were confiscated and he had to ask permission to leave his room even to use the bathroom.  Somewhere in the midst of this of this altercation, my son punch holes, two I believe, in the walls.  I am not condoning that he did this.  I am also not happy about the fact that he received an unsatisfactory grade on his report card.  But this type of physical discipline does not rectify anything.  I went to retrieve my son and some of his belongings this morning.  He seems relieved to be with me.  I explained to him that I don’t want him to think that being with me is going to be an easy ride.  I don’t want him to want to be with me because he feels that he will be able to get over on me.  He said that he understood.  Time will tell.  My son requires  lots of time and attention, unlike my daughter who I joke, is like a self cleaning oven.

I am surprised that I haven’t received an irate phone call from his father yet, since I took my son from his home while his dad was at work.  Things are too calm right now.  I haven’t allowed myself to completely feel at ease, because I know his dad all too well, and he is not one to give up control of a situation easily, or without a fight. 

I am happy to have him home with me.  Very happy.  But with this new transition comes lots of change.  I live in Brooklyn, his school is in Long Island, and I do not have a car.  Right now we are in an overpriced 2 bedroom apartment, and will need to start looking for an even more overpriced 3 bedroom apartment.  I am making myself feel a little sick just thinking about it.  But of course as a mom, you do what is necessary.  You make it work anyway you can.

I won’t stop writing.  I am going to be releasing my thoughts and pouring my emotions into this blog.  If I don’t, there is a chance I will need psychiatric help.

March 13, 2009

If she did it…


I can do it too.

What an inspiration.

March 13, 2009


Holy crap!  There are so many things that can distract you when you are trying to stay focused.

  • Twitter
  • Myspace
  • Facebook
  • Reading blogs
  • Snooping on people via the internet (don’t you judge me)

How does one manage to stay focused?  This is the tricky part for me.  I need to write EVERY single day, so my plan is to write about everything (i.e. feeling unfocused, distractions, feeling blocked, etc.).  Hey writing is writing right?  As I get more into the zone I will hopefully be writing actual stories and poems…but I am just not feeling anything yet.

These quotes inspire me to stay focused:

Action is the foundational key to all success.
Pablo Picasso

Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.
Dale Carnegie

Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.
David Frost

If you want to achieve things in life, you’ve just got to do them, and if you’re talented and smart, you’ll succeed.
Juliana Hatfield

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
Bill Cosby

March 12, 2009

For love or money?

Writing for love or money?  Well, I will attempt to address this delicately…show me the mutha-fucking money…please.

I have been writing for pleasure for years…poetry, short stories, long stories, blah blah blah.  My main goal right now is to really delve into this whole writing thing head first.  I don’t want to spend my life being a blogger.  I like blogging, but I want my audience to be larger.  I want millions of eyeballs to read my words.  I want to make people smile, I want to make them cry (nasty liquidy booger cries), but most importantly I want to keep them entertained.  I’m sorry, am I boring you?  Well just humor me anyway.  I guess the purpose of this blog is to really just get me writing.  Because writers write, right?  That is what I keep reading… just write, just write, just write…even if it’s just mumbo jumbo.

Ultimately I want to be published, but I don’t want to rush and slap some half-ass story together.  I want to practice and perfect my writing while simultaneously thinking of a story that will be sure to hit the best seller list.  It’s possible.  I know it takes time, but damn it I could have written ten bestsellers already with all time I have been spending doing a whole lot of nothing.

The first thing I am going to tackle is my problem with procrastination.  Maybe I will start tackling it next week…I joke haha.  Seriously, procrastinating has affected many areas of my life so I really need to discipline myself.  I am sure this is going to benefit in me in many ways.  I will most likely be writing about that as well.

Muy Importante things I need to focus on:

  • Writing daily
  • Going to the gym 4x per week
  • Cutting junk & soda from my diet

Wish me luck eh.

March 12, 2009

I now…

I am a talented person.

I have a right to be an artist.

I am a good person and a good artist.

Creativity is a blessing I accept.

My creativity blesses others

My creativity is appreciated.

I now treat myself and my creativity more gently.

I now treat myself and my creativity more generously.

I now share my creativity more openly.

I now accept hope.

I now act affirmatively.

I now accept creative recovery.

I now allow myself to heal.

I now accept God’s help unfolding my life.

I now believe God loves artists.


~An excerpt from The Artist’s Way

March 12, 2009


Start a story with…

Sam wasn’t sure if it was a wonderful sign or a sign of disaster…

but Sam knew that things would never be the same.  Why was she here?  She vowed never to come back.  It wasn’t  fair.  He had moved on, but just the sound of her name took him back to a place he promised himself he would never go again.  With her back in town he knew he would never be able to focus on the wedding or give his bride to be his undivided attention.  His soon to be wife never knew that he thought of her as just a fill-in.  Just someone to distract him from the pain of having lost the love of his life to someone he wished dead.  Someone that had made his life a living hell.  It was the salt in the wound.  And when the phone rang, it was the beginning of the end.

March 11, 2009

Basic Principles

  1. Creativity is the natural order of life.  Life is energy: pure creative energy.
  2. There is an underlying, in-dwelling creative force infusing all of life-including ourselves.
  3. When we open ourselves to our creativity, we open ourselves to the creator’s creativity within us and our lives.
  4. We are, ourselves, creations.  And we, in turn, are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves.
  5. Creative is God’s gift to us.  Using our creativity is our gift back to God.
  6. The refusal to be creative is self-will and is counter to our true nature.
  7. When we open ourselves to exploring our creativity, we open ourselves to God: good orderly direction.
  8. As we open our creative channel to the creator, many gentle but powerful changes are to be expected.
  9. It is safe to open ourselves up to greater and greater creativity.
  10. Our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source.  As we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity.

-Julia Cameron

March 11, 2009

The artist within.

I have done everything in my power to silence the writer within me. If I think of her as a separate entity, then she is in there tugging at my heart, begging me to acknowledge her. She is helpless to do anything without my fingers. Imagine if it’s as simple as just allowing the energy bubbling inside of me to flow through my fingers! Instead of allowing the writer within me flourish, I have stifled her, suffocated her, throttled and gagged her. I have smothered her in an attempt to silence her cries for creative freedom. But luckily for me, she is stronger than I am. Her will to succeed is more powerful that my subconscious desire to sabotage myself.

March 11, 2009


There won’t be any shiny glittery posts here.  I am seriously dedicating this blog to developing my craft.  I have purchased many journals and many overpriced pens.  I cannot tell you where they are, but I can tell you that the pages are blank and the pens were probably stolen.  So I am hoping that my desire to write and my addiction to the internet will be a happy marriage.  I am equipped with all of the writing books that I have purchased over the years.  I have scraped the sticky dusty goo off them, and they are good as new!  I admire those who have taken their passion, nurtured it, and turned it into something bigger than they could have ever dreamed of.  And I even have the sob story to go with my success story!  Can’t let it all be in vain.