Life happens

Life doesn’t stop because you’ve set your eyes on the prize.  There are and always will be obstacles.  I have to learn new ways to take care of ALL the things that require my attention while still working toward my goals. 

Last night I got a phone call from my son who lives with his dad.  He asked if I could come get him in the morning because he didn’t want to be there anymore.  Of course, I went in to mom mode.  I could hear the desperation in his voice, so I immediately started asking questions.  I told him he was scaring me.  He said his dad had some issues with his report card.  Before I go on I should mention that his father has a history of domestic violence and his parenting skills leave a lot to be desired.  Why did I allow my son to live with him you ask?  Well, when he was 11 he told me that he wanted to go live with his dad.  I think he was really yearning to have the relationship that all boys long to have with their fathers.  I couldn’t deny him the opportunity and risk having him resent me later, never knowing what could have been.  But in my heart, I knew he was going to be disappointed. 

My son has always struggled in school.  He is a very intelligent boy, and although he was never diagnosed, we have suspected that he may have ADHD.  Growing up my son was unfortunately subject to the type of mentality that believes boys need to be tough, not show emotion, etc.  He was disciplined frequently, and as a result has a short fuse and suppressed emotions that surface as rage. On the other hand however, he is one of the sweetest boys you will ever meet. 

So when his dad confronted him in a very aggressive manner about my his report card, it quickly escalated to a physical altercation.  My son was put in a headlock, tight enough to restrict his breathing.  He was punched on his body and face and sent to his room.  All of his electronic toys were confiscated and he had to ask permission to leave his room even to use the bathroom.  Somewhere in the midst of this of this altercation, my son punch holes, two I believe, in the walls.  I am not condoning that he did this.  I am also not happy about the fact that he received an unsatisfactory grade on his report card.  But this type of physical discipline does not rectify anything.  I went to retrieve my son and some of his belongings this morning.  He seems relieved to be with me.  I explained to him that I don’t want him to think that being with me is going to be an easy ride.  I don’t want him to want to be with me because he feels that he will be able to get over on me.  He said that he understood.  Time will tell.  My son requires  lots of time and attention, unlike my daughter who I joke, is like a self cleaning oven.

I am surprised that I haven’t received an irate phone call from his father yet, since I took my son from his home while his dad was at work.  Things are too calm right now.  I haven’t allowed myself to completely feel at ease, because I know his dad all too well, and he is not one to give up control of a situation easily, or without a fight. 

I am happy to have him home with me.  Very happy.  But with this new transition comes lots of change.  I live in Brooklyn, his school is in Long Island, and I do not have a car.  Right now we are in an overpriced 2 bedroom apartment, and will need to start looking for an even more overpriced 3 bedroom apartment.  I am making myself feel a little sick just thinking about it.  But of course as a mom, you do what is necessary.  You make it work anyway you can.

I won’t stop writing.  I am going to be releasing my thoughts and pouring my emotions into this blog.  If I don’t, there is a chance I will need psychiatric help.

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2 Comments to “Life happens”

  1. How did you fare out? Is your son still with you? Has your ex made life more difficult for all of you or is he basking in the freedom of not having to babysit his son?

    • My son is still with me…I haven’t heard from his dad since…apparently “disowning” my son…and his financial obligations as well. So be on the look out for sad poems about being broke lol

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