Archive for May 29th, 2009

May 29, 2009

She’s coming.

she woke me in the middle of the night to tell me she loved  me
at that moment, i realized how her voice both calmed and excited me
she told me to go back to sleep, as she wiped the hair from my face
i reached for her, and traced her lips with my thumb
she kissed my fingertips
the warmth of her body next to mine made me feel safe
i knew there would be many nights like this
that would take my breath away
and although this person that i speak of is fictional
and this moment has only happened in my dreams
i know it’s possible
and i know she’s out there
she is nameless
but i love her
the same way i love God without knowing
i have faith in her
in us
that we will find each other
against all odds
she’s coming
and i’ll be waiting
May 29, 2009

I fucking wish…

i wish you were here daddy
i wish you had fought harder
your urges, your disease, your anger
i wish you read me stories
and came to all my plays
i looked for you in the audience daddy
but you were never there
i wish i wasnt scared of you daddy
and i wish you smiled more
i wish i could hear your voice
and you could hold my hand
i wish you saw the hope in my eyes
and i wish you saw it die daddy
each time you relapsed
i only wished it’d make you better
or at least make you want to be
i wish i never wished you dead
because none of the insurmountable wishes I’ve wished
could ever bring you back
i wish you hadnt died alone daddy
and i wish my heart didnt ache anymore
i wish there was someone or something
that could fill this void
i wish daddy, i fuckin wish
i just wish you were here
so i could tell you I dont give a fuck about all these wishes
i just wish i was wrapped in the safety of your arms
i’d cry and tell you how many nights i lied awake wishing for only this
i wish you could hold your 31 yr old baby like the first day
she cried her first cry
i wish daddy, i fucking wish