Archive for June, 2009

June 23, 2009

Last night I dreamt

heartLast night I dreamt
that I was yours
and you were mine
I dreamt we had a special place
reserved just for us
where we sat in a cozy nook
and spoke of all the nights
we yearned for only this
I imagined that we sipped
Chardonnay
as you schemed
to have your way
to do all the things
we’d been longing for
I grabbed your hand
as you led the way
to a lovely
fragrant
candle lit room
where you wrapped your arms
around my waist
and kissed my lips
and I loved the taste
you walked me back
onto the bed
and gently laid me down
I remember the feeling
that came over me
the butterflies
the sexual highs
I dreamt you removed
each garment with care
and stared at me hungrily
like a lion in his lair
my body quivered as each article
slipped from my skin
I slid back onto the bed
as you crawled over me
resting your naked body on mine
I dreamt we made
the sweetest love
and I dreamt you felt so good
I wanted to cry
I dreamt that I fell asleep
in the safety of your arms
and woke to see
the future in your eyes
Last night I dreamt
that I was yours
and you were mine
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June 21, 2009

The spot at the end of the hall…

This weekend I visited the most painful and beautiful place from my past
It’s where I spent the most tender years of my youth
My home from the ages of 4-12
It was both hell and heaven
I knocked on the door
Felt strange knocking
I felt violated
Who was in my house?
In my bedroom
Did they know what the VV & KH carvings in the radiator stood for?
Did they know that my dad died right there on the floor between the kitchen and bathroom?
I wanted so badly to go in
And sit in that spot
Kiss the floor
Just lay there and cry
He opened the door just enough to poke his head out
I explained to him
That this was my place
And it would mean the world for me to come in
And just take a peek
He seem confused and unaffected by my emotion and hand gestures to my heart
I repeated myself
He stared at me trying to find the words to tell me no
He said perhaps another time
I asked him to take my number
He went to get a pen
And when he came back
The door opened wide
I could see the spot at the end of the hall…
The hall I had spent years running up and down
My mom yelling at me to stop
The dog chasing me
Kim slipping in a puddle of dog pee as she skipped…
Pretending to be the pope with a white sheet draped around her
At the end of that hall…
Is where my dad took his last breath…
Alone…
Probably scared…
And wondering if that is how he would die…
It was…
I said my number…
I knew he wouldn’t call…
So I stared at the spot…
At the end of the hall…
It seemed so far…
I wanted so badly to go in
And sit in that spot
Kiss the floor
Just lay there and cry

 

I wrote this a several months ago…but felt compelled to post something for my dad today… I love you papi..Happy Fathers Day! 
Your Babygirl…
Forever and always…
Vanessa
 
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June 19, 2009

I’m actually a happy person

Just me. 6/19/09

Just me. 6/19/09

June 19, 2009

What if I told you…

lonely

…that I am so lonely…  that my yearning has turned to hunger… that my longing is nocturnal… and my soul feels tired… I need an internal massage…to soothe my weary everything… because it takes everything in me… to keep living without your LOVE… what if I told you… I am so tired of writing about longing and yearning…wanting and craving….desire and future LOVE… I tell myself we are already together in spirit…I close my eyes… and imagine you closing yours… I wonder if you can feel me… where I am…I wonder if you’d hurry… if I told you I  LOVE you…

June 18, 2009

Poems for no one

I’ve written a hundred poems
about no one
But just one look
and I knew
I would want  a
first kiss
and to take you to my
secret garden
where I’m sure  you’d have me
completely spellbound
you make hearts skip beats
I think mine skipped
two or three
that’s a couple of beats shy
of a heart attack
if you only knew
where my head was at
perhaps you would meet me
halfway to destiny
where you’d tell me
all the things you love
and I’d tell you
all the places I’d like to go
Tell me the things you regret
and I’ll share
the things that have hurt me
Tell me your hearts desires
and I’ll confess mine
Let’s eat something
that requires chopsticks
and let’s walk till the sun comes up
Let’s feel like we want the night
to last forever
and let our hearts feel weak
when it comes to an end
Let’s kiss amidst passing strangers
and look back as we go our separate ways
let’s slumber with smiles
and wake with butterflies
Tell me that you wish
you’d kissed me longer
and I will tell you
I can still feel you
on my lips
in just one instant
you became
the person
in poems
that were written
for no one
June 17, 2009

First kiss…

I want that spine tingling
First kiss
I want the shy glances
And anxious butterflies
The anticipation
And nervous fumbles
I want the softest kiss
Upon my aching lips
The kind of kiss
That feels so good
I’ll want to cry
The kind of kiss
That’ll make me want to
Touch your face
And you hold mine
A kiss so sweet
It’ll hurt me to leave you
The kind I’ll think about
The whole way home
And dream about that night
The kind of kiss that’ll be my
Very first thought
The morning after
The kind that’ll have me
Smiling on the train
A kiss so sweet
I’ll send you a text
Saying
Your lips felt so good
And you’ll respond
Yours tasted just like
I thought they would
The kind of kiss
That’ll make
Both our hearts sing
A hypnotic melody
That will draw us
To each other
Once again
For a magical
Second
Kiss
June 17, 2009

your words II

My words transcend miles. traveling highways and waterways. to reach you where you are. this is your poetry. you tug at my heart-strings. playing me like a harp. each note. a delectable word. and you are the composer. a pallid existence. now filled with rich hues of color. I am engrossed.  I grab my pen with fervor. to release. and make room for more. of whatever it is you’re giving. the passion is palpable. your words. have sent resounding waves of ecstasy. causing the oceans within me to overflow. the flood gates to open. I listen intently. reading between each line. hidden messages. written for me. I imagine you. speaking your words. and stealing a kiss. mid-sentence. and making love. mid-afternoon. ‘cos you have me. halfway going crazy. in bed. with my legs open. wishing terribly. you were between them. I want to feel. the weight of your body. resting on mine. breast to breast. our breathing synchronized. a series of moans. deep kisses. long gazes. swearing. and name calling. over and over. our bodies glistening. you telling me that I’m sexy. Me begging you not to stop. my hands pinned. my face buried in your neck. as we push harder. and deeper. into each other. it is then I realize. I am here. and you are there. with miles. highways. and waterways. dividing us. but I find comfort in knowing. that at least I have. your words.

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June 14, 2009

Your words

poetry
Your words feel
like warm tea and honey
coating my insides
like a tight embrace
after an unpleasant dream
like a familiar face
in a sea of strangers
like a warm bed
on a cold winter’s night
your words are a welcomed treat
a rich dessert for my soul
after an agonizing
two year fast
your words
leave me hungry
for more
than just
your words
June 12, 2009

Secret Garden


I take your hand
and lead the way
I glance back
and smile
My sheer night gown
and curls
are blowing
flowing
in the breeze
you follow me closely
as we make our way
I tug at your hand
and we silently agree
to frolic the rest the way
we laugh like children
pushing tree branches
and leaves
from our path
I’m taking you to a place
where nothing matters
where no one else exists
where the sounds of nature calm us
and the sun greets us with approval
playfully
we fall to the ground
Under a graceful
willow tree
we gaze
into each others eyes
and instantly
we know
words
aren’t necessary
I take your face in my hands
and adorn your lips with a kiss
a lingering tap
that feels so good
so intense
my eyes begin to scrunch
the waiting is over
and the moment is overwhelming
flashes of our future
play like a movie preview
in my mind
walks on the beach
and picnics in the park
roller coaster rides
and Christmas mornings
intimate dinners
and pillow fights
angry sex
and tasty bagels
while sharing
the morning paper
you’ve entered a place
I’ve kept locked away
tears well in our eyes
and we engage in
a tight embrace
we sob in joy
because we know
this is forever
and this place belongs to us
we’ll come here often
when the world is too chaotic
when we feel isolated
because few know
our kind of  love
we’ll retreat back to this place
back to this tree
to this very spot
in our secret garden

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June 11, 2009

Spellbound…

You find me
in the depths
of my abysmal
loneliness
you coddle me
and I find shelter
in your arms
you cover me
with a blanket of kisses
your lips feel like
honey raindrops
I am lifted
out of the murky waters
of the darkest realms
of my mind
I am spellbound
as you look at me hungrily
and caress my ample breast
with dexterous hands
your tongue tastes of
warm vanilla
a flavor
I will savor
my flesh feels like
a thousand little arms
reaching for you
ferocious desire
savagely taking
me hostage
filthy
accursed
images
of you and I
our bodies
intertwined
your fingers
invading me
ravishing my body
our collision
leaves me imperiled
with muddled thoughts
of my affinity
and the famine
that has me
wanting
craving
lusting
needing
the most colossal
of needs
your touch upon my skin
you
whispering my name
the warmth of your tongue
making love to me
and the exquisite taste
of you
upon me