Archive for February 10th, 2011

February 10, 2011

My Rocky…

Thinking about how certain people complement each other, while others, simply do not.  We all have issues, insecurities, things that enrage us, sensitivities that run deep…  and sometimes, unintentionally, people play on our “stuff” … and our reactions in turn, play on their “stuff”… and there you have a big fkn dysfunctional cycle of messiness leading to an inevitable break up.

So anyway, I’m sitting here thinking about HER, and how amazing getting to know her has been.  How we seem to complement each other so well.  How we communicate.  How she seems to bring out only the best in me, and vice versa. Yeah it’s still new.  BUT!  We have had some of the most in depth talks, delved deep into our pasts and our relationships, our issues, our insecurities, the things that enrage us, the things that spark our inner dickhead/cunt to emerge… and I have to say… I am not worried.

You have to be aware…be mindful… of how you speak, your body language, your words… you can’t always point the finger and say, “wow, __________ was really a shit head to me.”   Yes, everyone must own their actions. BUT! Were YOUR actions confrontational, combative….were your words unkind….were you being EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT??  Were you so busy pointing the finger that you forgot to take a long hard look in the mirror? I have been guilty of this… but after some thought, I concluded, we were just NO good for each other.  My issues and her issues, equaled disaster.

I have what I like to call “Vanessa STFU” moments.  They are moments where, I’m thoroughly irritated or upset, and have the instant urge to speak on it.  Then I say to myself “VANESSA STFU.”  At that moment, nothing positive was going to come out of my mouth.  Whatever point or legitimate grievance I felt the need to express at that moment would not have been expressed properly and would go unheard.  It might even send the recipient of my profound message into DEFENSE MODE…which would in turn make my need to be heard more intense…therefore my voice louder… and her MORE on the defense… and there goes NOTHING!  My point is sometimes… lots of times… you might just need to STFU.

Getting back to her… damn… I have never in my life felt like such a princess, felt so safe, felt so secure… I have never been so ready to take a leap of faith… and know with all my heart… that I would be leaping into the arms of the greatest love I could ever hope or pray for.  We laugh harder than I can ever recall laughing with another.  We kiss for hours, and cuddling with her feels like our bodies were meant to be intertwined….her embrace feels like that puzzle piece you have been searching for, and finally find… that feeling that you get when you put it in place, and it fits perfectly… my heart feels that kind of long awaited satisfaction.   Being made love to feels like what can only be described as LOVE.  I feel it pulsing through every vein… I feel it filling my heart… I feel it massaging my mind… healing old hurts… renewing my faith… I feel it with every fiber of my being. 

Every kind gesture, thoughtful word, adoring glance, tender touch, warm embrace, passionate kiss… is treasured… cherished… I want her to know… that I will NEVER take her for granted… I promise to always show my appreciation… to always uplift her… and show her that I have the utmost faith in HER… in US. 

She will have 100% of my trust…and 200% of my LOVE… and I feel confident that I will have hers…

I want to be her lady… her Adrian… she has already been my Rock[y]. ❤