Archive for February 28th, 2011

February 28, 2011

and so…

I realize that some of my insecurities surfaced yesterday… And some unintentionally hurtful words… stung… Gave me a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach… And I just wanted to dig a hole… and crawl in it… I haven’t been good lately… Haven’t been eating the best… Haven’t been consistent in the gym… and have been feeling a little blah about myself… ugh… I have a lot of physical insecurities as most women do… but I am always my own worst critic… I pick myself apart… dissect myself… point out all of my flaws… and they feel begin to feel plentiful…

I was never told that I was beautiful as a child… that’s probably because I wasn’t… I was usually the target of some joke… flat ass… pale skin… lanky body… kinky hair… big forehead… etc… and I think as I got older… although I became more secure with my physical attributes… I have remained sensitive about certain things… more-so when I’m in a funky place emotionally… and of course… my darling dear mother still loves to point out what could use improvement… I think paying me a complement might actually cause her physical pain… or at least it seems that way…

And that’s really all I have to say about that…

Ggrrr…

Tags:
February 28, 2011

ugh…

I am so over this… I want to scream today… the burning… and stiffness… the knots… the spasms…. the soreness… it’s non-stop… all of my waking hours… and some of my sleeping ones… I’m disgusted… and discouraged… and sad… I don’t want this…

Tags: ,