Archive for March 3rd, 2011

March 3, 2011

there you are..

there you are…
in the most intimate…
crevices of my mind…
the small spaces where no one else could fit…
i find you there…
you’ve made yourself a home in my heart…
your fingertips have grazed every part of my body…
caused immense pleasure…
entered me…
pulsed within me…
caused violent explosions…
there you are…
inside me…
penetrating me…
all of me…
fucking me…
completely…
all of the places that need to be fucked…
i love how… you make love…
to all of my senses…
i breathe you in…
and you smell like…
the sweetest blooming flower…
lover i taste you…
and you taste like…
the most succulent ripe fruit… drizzled in honey…
darling i feel you…
and you feel like…
the warmth of coming home…
on the coldest winters night…
baby i hear you…
and you sound like…
an old nostalgic tune…
that takes you to that place… you wish you could stay forever…
my love i see you…
and you are…
possibly the most beautiful thing…
the universe has ever placed before me…
there you are…
all over me…
so deep inside me…
loving me…
feeding me…
devouring me…
there you are…
right where you belong…
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March 3, 2011

this can only be called “GGRRR”

Sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks… trying not to let my co-workers see me in this state. The pain resonating throughout my body right now has sent me into a paralyzing mental state. I am sad… in every sense of the word. I don’t want this sickness. I don’t want this body. I don’t want this to be my life.

My right shoulder is throbbing and begging for me to stretch it beyond the point that it can be stretched. It never feels satisfied. The constant attempts to twist and contort it leave me feeling sore and drained. My back feels tight and tense. My muscles feel like they are gripping my every bone, constricting them.

 The stress is palpable.

My frustration is growing.

And my ability to ignore it is dwindling.

I am plain fucking tired.

They say FM can be onset by a traumatizing dramatic event. Trying to pinpoint that would be like trying to find a grain of salt in a bucket of sand. IMPOSSIBLE. But I remember the pain even as a child. Funny how what you are used to becomes what is “normal” to you. Stress and tension have always been a part of my life. At some point, it just became okay to live that way. It is no longer okay, because it is affecting my well-being.

 Been thinking about my past a lot lately. I am finding that I am still a little bitter. Unfortunately as children we have no choice of what life we are born into. I always felt like this leaf just blowing in the shit-storm hurricane winds of the fucked up lives of my parents. He died and she read dozens of “HOW TO HEAL THYSELF” books, and moved on from that life. I am still suffering, physically and mentally. Nice.

Anyway, the point of this here post is that fibromyalgia fucking sucks, and I fucking hate it, and there is no fucking end in sight to this shit. The end.