Posts tagged ‘Butterflies’

February 14, 2011

First of many…

This Valentine’s Day was so incredibly special.  I can’t recall one that was filled with so much love…

After spending the entire week making preparations… running around for hours after work… praying and waiting for packages… I was so ready to see her face… for her to walk through the door… and feel just how special she truly is…

And her face… was priceless…  

Candlelight illuminated the room with a soft glow… music accented the mood… her chocolates… gifts…  bubbly… champagne flutes…  cards… all waiting for her… 

Rose pedals tossed on the bed… two dozen balloons floating…their strings hanging playfully throughout the room…

She walked through the door, as I stood behind it… and I could see instantly her shock, her appreciation…her love…

And finally I was able to share with her… what I was so excited about… what I knew would take her breath away…

worn with fishnets, black lace boy-cut panties & stilettos ❤

And it did… as she took it all in… I took her in… more… I looked at her face… and I thought to myself… I always want to make her this happy…

We toasted to us… to more Valentine’s to come… and every part of me believed it…

The exchange and reading of carefully chosen… heartfelt cards… was beautiful…

I watched her open her gifts… and laughed at her gasps and finger snaps…

We cuddled… and kissed… and vocalized our thoughts of love and appreciation for one another…

We indulged in Thai… and in each other…

And drifted off into a sweet slumber…

A passion filled morning followed…

It was perfect…

And the rest of the weekend was as well…

Looking forward to many more days filled with love… ❤

February 10, 2011

My Rocky…

Thinking about how certain people complement each other, while others, simply do not.  We all have issues, insecurities, things that enrage us, sensitivities that run deep…  and sometimes, unintentionally, people play on our “stuff” … and our reactions in turn, play on their “stuff”… and there you have a big fkn dysfunctional cycle of messiness leading to an inevitable break up.

So anyway, I’m sitting here thinking about HER, and how amazing getting to know her has been.  How we seem to complement each other so well.  How we communicate.  How she seems to bring out only the best in me, and vice versa. Yeah it’s still new.  BUT!  We have had some of the most in depth talks, delved deep into our pasts and our relationships, our issues, our insecurities, the things that enrage us, the things that spark our inner dickhead/cunt to emerge… and I have to say… I am not worried.

You have to be aware…be mindful… of how you speak, your body language, your words… you can’t always point the finger and say, “wow, __________ was really a shit head to me.”   Yes, everyone must own their actions. BUT! Were YOUR actions confrontational, combative….were your words unkind….were you being EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT??  Were you so busy pointing the finger that you forgot to take a long hard look in the mirror? I have been guilty of this… but after some thought, I concluded, we were just NO good for each other.  My issues and her issues, equaled disaster.

I have what I like to call “Vanessa STFU” moments.  They are moments where, I’m thoroughly irritated or upset, and have the instant urge to speak on it.  Then I say to myself “VANESSA STFU.”  At that moment, nothing positive was going to come out of my mouth.  Whatever point or legitimate grievance I felt the need to express at that moment would not have been expressed properly and would go unheard.  It might even send the recipient of my profound message into DEFENSE MODE…which would in turn make my need to be heard more intense…therefore my voice louder… and her MORE on the defense… and there goes NOTHING!  My point is sometimes… lots of times… you might just need to STFU.

Getting back to her… damn… I have never in my life felt like such a princess, felt so safe, felt so secure… I have never been so ready to take a leap of faith… and know with all my heart… that I would be leaping into the arms of the greatest love I could ever hope or pray for.  We laugh harder than I can ever recall laughing with another.  We kiss for hours, and cuddling with her feels like our bodies were meant to be intertwined….her embrace feels like that puzzle piece you have been searching for, and finally find… that feeling that you get when you put it in place, and it fits perfectly… my heart feels that kind of long awaited satisfaction.   Being made love to feels like what can only be described as LOVE.  I feel it pulsing through every vein… I feel it filling my heart… I feel it massaging my mind… healing old hurts… renewing my faith… I feel it with every fiber of my being. 

Every kind gesture, thoughtful word, adoring glance, tender touch, warm embrace, passionate kiss… is treasured… cherished… I want her to know… that I will NEVER take her for granted… I promise to always show my appreciation… to always uplift her… and show her that I have the utmost faith in HER… in US. 

She will have 100% of my trust…and 200% of my LOVE… and I feel confident that I will have hers…

I want to be her lady… her Adrian… she has already been my Rock[y]. ❤

February 8, 2011

Fireworks

So, someone found it necessary today to question the time that it took for me to fall in love.  I should probably say… that I am still falling, every day.  So, are we questioning when I began to fall?  Well then yes, it was probably pretty quick.  What can I say?  She is breathtakingly gorgeous.  She is kind, thoughtful, generous, chivalrous, intelligent, driven, goofy…and so many other things that I would have to dedicate another post just to describe her adequately.  I feel so honored and blessed to have her in my life.  In our short time together, she has shown me things that others could not during an entire relationship.  And yes, I love her.  I love her very much.  And what makes it so wonderful, is that she appreciates all of my expressions of love… and she is just so easy to love. 

I think often we are convinced that loving takes CONSTANT WORK, that it takes CONSTANT tweaking, and requires a CONSTANT effort just to keep it going… when love is like a job that leaves you feeling exhausted and drained, I am now convinced, that isn’t love at all.

Sometimes love is so effortless, so comforting, so incredibly nurturing… that it is impossible NOT to fall, because you feel so safe in doing so.  And I do.  Feel safe.

I feel completely at peace in the way I left my previous relationship.  I was honest, loyal and 100% faithful. 

I NEVER NEED someone to make me happy. To fulfill me.  I am a naturally happy person.  I know who I am.  I am an “old bitch.”  I don’t need time to FIND myself. I am not filling any voids, or searching aimlessly for a love to complete me.  The fact is, as stated in another post, my love is a gift.  You do with it what you will.  I will always BE READY for love if and when it presents itself to me.  And I will never run from love because of “timing” issues.  Who is to say when the right time for love is?  This love is RIGHT ON TIME. 

I am IN LOVE… and it feels healthy and wonderful.  I have no regrets.  I am not looking in my relationship rear view mirror questioning should haves and could haves.  I am confident that everything is exactly as it should be.

Anyway, who needs a flashlight when you have fireworks?

September 5, 2010

#bliss

I’m watching her sleep…

Listening to her breathe…

Wishing I could dive into her dreams…

I wanna wake her…

Just to tell her I love her…

And then kiss her back to sleep…

Her toes look edible…

And if I thought it wouldn’t disturb her…

I’d nibble on each of them…

She looks so precious…

That I can hardly stand it…

I’m going to hold her so tight tonight.

March 11, 2010

i love her.

this is such a crazy time in my life.  i am so in love. nothing makes sense. but everything feels perfect. just as it should be.  my heart is full. my soul is happy. and i cant fathom love feeling any better than it does right now. simple. pure. true. honest. real. happy. carefree. unselfish. easy. healing. loving her feels just as good. as being loved by her. and when we make love. words cannot describe. how she touches every part of me.  i feel her throughout my entire being.  it’s never too much. and three hours just seems to fly by. it truly feels like we become one. like we’re floating. releasing into each other. uniting. never in my life have i been made LOVE to. the way she makes love to me. and when we fuck. its vulgar. and nasty. and hard. and mind-blowing. but just as beautiful. she fucks my mind. my body. my heart. my soul. to the point of exhaustion. moments away from her are always too many. but even during our time apart. she is with me.  and finds ways to keep herself close to me. notes. texts. midday phone calls.  midnight phone dates. webcam shows. i love her. i love her. i love her.  so much that it hurts. the sweetest pain i have ever felt. i love her so much. the tears well. and fall onto my cheeks. and they are the happiest of tears. i love her. and i hope she remains. and i hope our love sustains…….. i love her.

January 28, 2010

*floating*

I’m gliding…
my love is guiding…
me to a place…
I wasn’t ready for…
I’m fighting it…
with all my might and it…
feels so good…
baby I’m falling…
you came without warning…
I’m fighting…
But I’m losing the battle…
my mind is drenched…
and my body is soaking…
I’m losing control…
Cos baby I’m *floating*
January 11, 2010

fearless

i am never afraid to fall in love.  there is always the possibility of getting hurt.  but my heart remains open to the possibility that it wont.  my willingness to love has been seen as foolish.  but these were the eyes of narrow minds.  my love is fearless.  i can love you with all that i am. you might take the part of me i give you and crush it.  but i will love myself whole again.  just as i was before you came.  my love cant be TAKEN for granted.  my love is a GIFT.  and what i give you is forever yours to do what you wish.  i will ALWAYS be ready for love.  and my love is FEARLESS.

January 9, 2010

selfish now…

damn i’m feeling so selfish now…
i want what i want…
and i want it now…
i want you in my bed…
wishing you were here right now…
my whole body is aching…
i need to feel you now…
i want you on top of me…
i’m spreading my legs for you now…
but you’re not here…
so im touching myself now…
damn it feels so good…
i think im cummin now…
one day i’m gonna tell you…
all the things i wanna do to you…
but im just feeling…
too selfish now…
January 8, 2010

What does my ideal boi/ag/stud look like??

Lord!  The question alone causes a very dorky smile to reside on my face…

First let me say that mi corazon belongs to the bois!!!!

All my girlfriends with the exception of my last girlfriend (Colombian) and a recent fling (Dominican) have been Black… that has always been my preference… although there was something culturally comforting and SEXY about being with a Latina.

When @theoriginalteam (my papi…muah lol) posed this question today on twitter, I got all excited and couldn’t restrict my answer to 140 characters.

My ‘ideal’ boi… of course some things are negotiable lol
has strong hands and arms…
soulful eyes…
is at least 5’6″
has a sexy fucking walk……
a commanding presence…
versatile wardrobe…
can rock a button down and slacks…
but looks just as sexy in sweats and timbs…
fades…locs… ponytails… wild curls…
tats…
kissable lips…
killer smile…
boxers/boxer briefs…
Dominant…
knows how to romance me…
but knows how i like to be told…
to get my ass in the kitchen and cook dinner…
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
just has that irresistable boi’ish sex appeal that drives me freakin crazy dammit!
*sigh*
Where the hell is she???
 
June 17, 2009

First kiss…

I want that spine tingling
First kiss
I want the shy glances
And anxious butterflies
The anticipation
And nervous fumbles
I want the softest kiss
Upon my aching lips
The kind of kiss
That feels so good
I’ll want to cry
The kind of kiss
That’ll make me want to
Touch your face
And you hold mine
A kiss so sweet
It’ll hurt me to leave you
The kind I’ll think about
The whole way home
And dream about that night
The kind of kiss that’ll be my
Very first thought
The morning after
The kind that’ll have me
Smiling on the train
A kiss so sweet
I’ll send you a text
Saying
Your lips felt so good
And you’ll respond
Yours tasted just like
I thought they would
The kind of kiss
That’ll make
Both our hearts sing
A hypnotic melody
That will draw us
To each other
Once again
For a magical
Second
Kiss