Posts tagged ‘Crushing’

February 22, 2011

paths…

i have never been a big believer in “fate” or “destiny”

but…

it is blowing my mind how many times i subtly crossed her path…before she ultimately crashed into mine…

i remember being nosy one day and going to her time line to see who she was…realizing she was someone’s girlfriend…

although it didn’t matter much at that time… because i was someone’s girlfriend too…

i remember reading someone’s blog… and seeing her comments… not realizing who she was because there was no photo corresponding with her comment post…but i remember thinking how lovely her words were…

i remember the day someone told me about this girl they were digging…and it was her…

i remember the day i was mentioned in a follow friday… and to my surprise she tweeted that she was now following @_wordy (and a few others)…

i remember our innocent interactions… and for some reason feeling that they would become more significant…

and they did…

our tweets… and DMs… and late night phone calls…

led to our meeting…

and every moment since then… has been effortlessly wonderful…

but all those lil “chance” encounters blow my mind…

what if no #FF… or no “numbers game” … or no dying battery that led to a weekend long DM session… that led to our first telephone conversation… that led to us…

wow… that would have just been tragic…

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February 14, 2011

First of many…

This Valentine’s Day was so incredibly special.  I can’t recall one that was filled with so much love…

After spending the entire week making preparations… running around for hours after work… praying and waiting for packages… I was so ready to see her face… for her to walk through the door… and feel just how special she truly is…

And her face… was priceless…  

Candlelight illuminated the room with a soft glow… music accented the mood… her chocolates… gifts…  bubbly… champagne flutes…  cards… all waiting for her… 

Rose pedals tossed on the bed… two dozen balloons floating…their strings hanging playfully throughout the room…

She walked through the door, as I stood behind it… and I could see instantly her shock, her appreciation…her love…

And finally I was able to share with her… what I was so excited about… what I knew would take her breath away…

worn with fishnets, black lace boy-cut panties & stilettos ❤

And it did… as she took it all in… I took her in… more… I looked at her face… and I thought to myself… I always want to make her this happy…

We toasted to us… to more Valentine’s to come… and every part of me believed it…

The exchange and reading of carefully chosen… heartfelt cards… was beautiful…

I watched her open her gifts… and laughed at her gasps and finger snaps…

We cuddled… and kissed… and vocalized our thoughts of love and appreciation for one another…

We indulged in Thai… and in each other…

And drifted off into a sweet slumber…

A passion filled morning followed…

It was perfect…

And the rest of the weekend was as well…

Looking forward to many more days filled with love… ❤

February 10, 2011

My Rocky…

Thinking about how certain people complement each other, while others, simply do not.  We all have issues, insecurities, things that enrage us, sensitivities that run deep…  and sometimes, unintentionally, people play on our “stuff” … and our reactions in turn, play on their “stuff”… and there you have a big fkn dysfunctional cycle of messiness leading to an inevitable break up.

So anyway, I’m sitting here thinking about HER, and how amazing getting to know her has been.  How we seem to complement each other so well.  How we communicate.  How she seems to bring out only the best in me, and vice versa. Yeah it’s still new.  BUT!  We have had some of the most in depth talks, delved deep into our pasts and our relationships, our issues, our insecurities, the things that enrage us, the things that spark our inner dickhead/cunt to emerge… and I have to say… I am not worried.

You have to be aware…be mindful… of how you speak, your body language, your words… you can’t always point the finger and say, “wow, __________ was really a shit head to me.”   Yes, everyone must own their actions. BUT! Were YOUR actions confrontational, combative….were your words unkind….were you being EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT??  Were you so busy pointing the finger that you forgot to take a long hard look in the mirror? I have been guilty of this… but after some thought, I concluded, we were just NO good for each other.  My issues and her issues, equaled disaster.

I have what I like to call “Vanessa STFU” moments.  They are moments where, I’m thoroughly irritated or upset, and have the instant urge to speak on it.  Then I say to myself “VANESSA STFU.”  At that moment, nothing positive was going to come out of my mouth.  Whatever point or legitimate grievance I felt the need to express at that moment would not have been expressed properly and would go unheard.  It might even send the recipient of my profound message into DEFENSE MODE…which would in turn make my need to be heard more intense…therefore my voice louder… and her MORE on the defense… and there goes NOTHING!  My point is sometimes… lots of times… you might just need to STFU.

Getting back to her… damn… I have never in my life felt like such a princess, felt so safe, felt so secure… I have never been so ready to take a leap of faith… and know with all my heart… that I would be leaping into the arms of the greatest love I could ever hope or pray for.  We laugh harder than I can ever recall laughing with another.  We kiss for hours, and cuddling with her feels like our bodies were meant to be intertwined….her embrace feels like that puzzle piece you have been searching for, and finally find… that feeling that you get when you put it in place, and it fits perfectly… my heart feels that kind of long awaited satisfaction.   Being made love to feels like what can only be described as LOVE.  I feel it pulsing through every vein… I feel it filling my heart… I feel it massaging my mind… healing old hurts… renewing my faith… I feel it with every fiber of my being. 

Every kind gesture, thoughtful word, adoring glance, tender touch, warm embrace, passionate kiss… is treasured… cherished… I want her to know… that I will NEVER take her for granted… I promise to always show my appreciation… to always uplift her… and show her that I have the utmost faith in HER… in US. 

She will have 100% of my trust…and 200% of my LOVE… and I feel confident that I will have hers…

I want to be her lady… her Adrian… she has already been my Rock[y]. ❤

February 2, 2011

at that moment…

Yesterday was one of those days… my daughter received her first college acceptance letter… I was beyond happy… but my heart sunk and I fell to pieces… at that moment… it hit me… it became real… she’s not my little girl anymore… there isn’t any more time to do all the things I wanted to do with her… she’s all grown up and the time just feels like it slipped through my fingers… times that I wished would fly by… did… and the times I wish I could have held onto forever… flew right along with them… seems so unfair… she has made me so proud… she has exceeded what I hoped for her when she was a baby… I feel proud that I had a lil something to do with that… but it’s going to be so hard to watch her go off on her own… as I put the key in my door last night… with my face a mess… my mascara stained cheeks… my eyes still oozing with guilt ridden tears… I realized that one day very soon… she won’t be there when I get home… I won’t see her messy room… her things scattered about… I won’t have dishes to yell at her about… and we wont decide on dinner together… and wow… that hurt me to my core… I am going to miss her very much… I know she is going to have the time of her life… and I am going to be her number one supporter always… I’m just really going to miss my little girl…

…and then…

…part two of my night…

unexpectedly… #she walked through my door… to be my support… with my much desired beer in tow… and her face… at that moment… it touched me to my core… it was at that moment that I realized I had gained someone very special in my life… it was at that moment… I fell more in love with her… her smile… the way she looked at me… her gesture… it all simultaneously melted my heart… while at the very same time… made me feel stronger… safer… wrapping my hands around her waist while watching TV… my face nuzzled in her neck… I couldn’t have asked for anything more at that moment… it was all that I needed… she was all that I needed… and she gave herself to me selflessly… and with each passing moment… until we parted ways this morning… she captured more of my heart… became more a part of my soul… and rescued me… in just the way I needed to be rescued.. at that moment… ❤

January 6, 2011

crushing…

I don’t know why
You came to me
But it’s one of those questions
I don’t much care to answer
You’re here
And you feel magical
You’ve pulled the rabbit from the hat
liberated her
Freed her
I wonder if
You even know
How beautiful You are
I want to love You
Crazy I know
I ask myself how…
But it’s one of those questions
I don’t much care to answer
I don’t question
The sunrise
Or the sunset
And to me
You feel just as natural
Like morning dew
And summer rain
Sweet as candy apples
And sugar cane
I’m so happy
You came to me
I don’t know why
And I don’t much care
To know
The answer ❤

January 28, 2010

*floating*

I’m gliding…
my love is guiding…
me to a place…
I wasn’t ready for…
I’m fighting it…
with all my might and it…
feels so good…
baby I’m falling…
you came without warning…
I’m fighting…
But I’m losing the battle…
my mind is drenched…
and my body is soaking…
I’m losing control…
Cos baby I’m *floating*
January 9, 2010

selfish now…

damn i’m feeling so selfish now…
i want what i want…
and i want it now…
i want you in my bed…
wishing you were here right now…
my whole body is aching…
i need to feel you now…
i want you on top of me…
i’m spreading my legs for you now…
but you’re not here…
so im touching myself now…
damn it feels so good…
i think im cummin now…
one day i’m gonna tell you…
all the things i wanna do to you…
but im just feeling…
too selfish now…
January 8, 2010

What does my ideal boi/ag/stud look like??

Lord!  The question alone causes a very dorky smile to reside on my face…

First let me say that mi corazon belongs to the bois!!!!

All my girlfriends with the exception of my last girlfriend (Colombian) and a recent fling (Dominican) have been Black… that has always been my preference… although there was something culturally comforting and SEXY about being with a Latina.

When @theoriginalteam (my papi…muah lol) posed this question today on twitter, I got all excited and couldn’t restrict my answer to 140 characters.

My ‘ideal’ boi… of course some things are negotiable lol
has strong hands and arms…
soulful eyes…
is at least 5’6″
has a sexy fucking walk……
a commanding presence…
versatile wardrobe…
can rock a button down and slacks…
but looks just as sexy in sweats and timbs…
fades…locs… ponytails… wild curls…
tats…
kissable lips…
killer smile…
boxers/boxer briefs…
Dominant…
knows how to romance me…
but knows how i like to be told…
to get my ass in the kitchen and cook dinner…
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
just has that irresistable boi’ish sex appeal that drives me freakin crazy dammit!
*sigh*
Where the hell is she???
 
December 22, 2009

trying…

trying not to remember…
the things you make impossible to forget…
the way it feels when your lips touch mine…
the shrills you cause each time your hands…
make their way between my thighs…
the way you grip my neck…
as your fingers plunge deep inside me…
the gushing of wetness…
as my body responds to your every move…
the exquisitely painful bruises you leave behind…
a constant reminder…
of the insane eruptions…
one after another…
the uncontrollable moaning…
that has me sounding like…
a one woman orchestra…
with you as the conductor…
knowing just how…
to pull each note out of me…
and finally our moist limp bodies…
intertwined…
and drifting off into a deep slumber…
waking hours later…
to devilish smiles…
and playful laughter
air tight spooning…
and talk of breakfast…
trying so hard not to remember…
the things you make impossible to forget…

December 10, 2009

Her…

Lying here…
Images of her…
Her face…
Buried between my thighs…
Her hands…
Gripping my hips…
Her tongue…
Lapping up…
The wetness she caused…
Effortlessly…
I can feel my clit begin to swell…
And my juices to overflow…
As I recall her…
Behind me…
My face smothered…
In the pillows…
Her body…
Pressing into mine…
Her breath…
On my neck…
I want to feel her…
Again…
Her tongue…
Deep inside my mouth…
As I whimper in torment…
Her fingers…
Exploring my insides…
The memories of the intense explosions she caused…
Are so fresh…
They feel like déjà vu…
Her intoxicating scent…
Still lingers…
In my bed…
And each night…
As I lay down to sleep…
I can still…
Feel ‘her’