Posts tagged ‘Fibromyalgia’

March 3, 2011

this can only be called “GGRRR”

Sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks… trying not to let my co-workers see me in this state. The pain resonating throughout my body right now has sent me into a paralyzing mental state. I am sad… in every sense of the word. I don’t want this sickness. I don’t want this body. I don’t want this to be my life.

My right shoulder is throbbing and begging for me to stretch it beyond the point that it can be stretched. It never feels satisfied. The constant attempts to twist and contort it leave me feeling sore and drained. My back feels tight and tense. My muscles feel like they are gripping my every bone, constricting them.

 The stress is palpable.

My frustration is growing.

And my ability to ignore it is dwindling.

I am plain fucking tired.

They say FM can be onset by a traumatizing dramatic event. Trying to pinpoint that would be like trying to find a grain of salt in a bucket of sand. IMPOSSIBLE. But I remember the pain even as a child. Funny how what you are used to becomes what is “normal” to you. Stress and tension have always been a part of my life. At some point, it just became okay to live that way. It is no longer okay, because it is affecting my well-being.

 Been thinking about my past a lot lately. I am finding that I am still a little bitter. Unfortunately as children we have no choice of what life we are born into. I always felt like this leaf just blowing in the shit-storm hurricane winds of the fucked up lives of my parents. He died and she read dozens of “HOW TO HEAL THYSELF” books, and moved on from that life. I am still suffering, physically and mentally. Nice.

Anyway, the point of this here post is that fibromyalgia fucking sucks, and I fucking hate it, and there is no fucking end in sight to this shit. The end.