Could I be ready…
To leave…
My beloved…
New York…
Who has left me…
battered and bruised…
And has moved on…
Without a thought…
Without a second glance…
In the capital of the WORLD…
Do I even matter…
No…
I’m just a number…
A box on the census…
A demographic…
To New York…
I am nothing…
To me…
She is everything…
We have…
The ultimate…
Dysfunctional relationship…
Could I be ready…
To leave her…
After all these years…
Sadly…
She wouldn’t even notice…
But oh…
How’d I miss her…
Her music…
Her energy…
Her soul…
She is…
The greatest artist…
Of all time…
Effortlessly beautiful…
But I might be ready…
For someplace…
Not so bitter-sweet…
Someplace…
That loves me back…
But fuck…
How I’d miss her…
April 19, 2011
I LOVE HER, but…
April 12, 2011
passion…
Trying to tap into
the wealth of passion
that once flowed within me
that once allowed me
to see beyond
what I could see
that once sparked dreams
that were so big
not even I
could shoot them down
passion that defied all doubt
all logic
that passion…
it’s still in me somewhere
I feel it.
April 7, 2011
In his eyes…
He smiles at me
wonders if I
secretly hate him
if I am
furtively
plotting
to kill him
he nods
respectfully
as he hands me my straw
I take my red bull
and wish him a good day
he is here
working
serving
we are there
murdering
his women
and children
to him
I
am the Terrorist.
April 7, 2011
the chase…
my shadow…
keeps following me…
after me…
taunting me…
it’s a never-ending chase…
she’ll never catch me…
I’m too fast…
and she’s too slow…
she whispers…
for me to slow down…
but I ignore her…
it has become a race…
an endless one…
I’m always winning…
or am I…
she only wants to hold me…
she only wants to tell me…
to slow down…
that everything will be okay…
I wish I could let her…
I wish I believed her…
February 3, 2011
30 somewhat interesting facts about me :)
- I need to know where my lip gloss is at ALL times
- I can’t ever be vegan because of my scary cheese addiction
- I sleep with a bra on
- I hate okra ugh
- I am struggling to give up seafood
- My toilet tissue must hang OVER…under is just plain silly
- I buy whatever toothpaste is on sale
- I must apply an even amount of deodorant strokes to each armpit
- Judging by my last fact… I may have a mild case of OCD
- I ADORE my friends and when they hurt, I hurt
- I have Fibromyalgia
- I tend to dance with my eyes closed when I’m drunk
- I have an alter ego named Yasmine…shes mad funny yo. lol
- I am oddly strong
- I was a teen mom
- I came out when I was 19 yo
- I love to drive fast and race
- I am shy
- I take a fistful of vitamins daily
- I hate killing any living thing… even pesky insects 😦
- I am eating cheese right now lmao
- My drink of choice when out at a club/lounge is a cosmo
- I have watched SEX AND THE CITY reruns more than I care to mention
- I am a Sarah Jessica Parker GROUPIE and PROUD
- I have stalked both SJP’s & Carrie’s apartments LOL
- I can make a dollar out of fifteen cents
- I am a good listener
- I LOVE elephants and dolphins
- I LOVE hard
- I LOVE who I am
February 16, 2010
Dear Daughter…
I’m sorry this has taken so long. My heart aches as I think of all of the things I did to hurt you. I am so sorry I chose a soul numbing substance over you…over our family. Sorry I hurt your mother. Sorry I robbed you of your innocence, and allowed you to witness things a child’s eyes should never see. Sorry I stole your youth and forced you into adulthood way before your time. I am so sorry my demons became yours. I’m sorry I put others before you. I am sorry I was too high and drunk to realize how badly you wanted my love and affection. Sorry I pushed you into the arms of men searching for a fathers love. I am sorry. I am so sorry I couldn’t guide you and teach you… love you and father you… nurture you and make you feel secure. I am so very sorry. I’m sorry I left you feeling lost and broken… I am sorry that you are still hurting…that you still long for my love…I’m loving you from heaven… and I’m proud of how you’ve overcome… I see your struggle and your pain and I am sorry I am not there with you. I’m sorry for all the years you suffered in a violent relationship because you didn’t know any different. I am sorry for the wrong paths you chose because I wasn’t there to advise you. I know my death was senseless and preventable… I am sorry I didn’t hear your cries…your pleading…and begging… for me to stop…for me to choose life…to choose you. I’m so sorry I didn’t choose you. I’m sorry that you won’t ever receive this letter…or get the closure that you want so badly. I am sorry that I never said I was sorry. My dearest sweet daughter…I loved you dearly…and I am so very sorry.
June 10, 2009
the lunacy of love
let’s buy a piggy bank
and save for a special date
making the most
of this hardscrabble life
let’s fall in love every day
and make wicked love every night
you’ll make promises
that i know you’ll keep
and i’ll whisper
only sweet somethings in your ear
we’ll roller-skate backwards
and you’ll pick me up
when i fall
let’s believe the impossible
let’s run
when we should walk
let’s frolic
amidst crystalline raindrops
sweet cadence filling
only our air
absorbing every moment
of our
nascent bliss
our veins pulsing with joy
our pores leaking with euphoria
people will stare at us
two rare specimens
and we will tell them
this is the lunacy of love
let’s fall in love every day
and make wicked love every night
you’ll make promises
that i know you’ll keep
and i’ll whisper
only sweet somethings in your ear
we’ll roller-skate backwards
and you’ll pick me up
when i fall
let’s believe the impossible
let’s run
when we should walk
let’s frolic
amidst crystalline raindrops
sweet cadence filling
only our air
absorbing every moment
of our
nascent bliss
our veins pulsing with joy
our pores leaking with euphoria
people will stare at us
two rare specimens
and we will tell them
this is the lunacy of love
April 25, 2009
Napowrimo #9
Mi Paraiso
I have not yet experienced
I can only speak of
What it is not
Crowded trains
With grimaced faces
Heavy tense shoulders
Carrying something
Or the other
Blank eyes
Dreaming of better times
When there were no
Red striped envelopes
Waiting
Demanding payment
Funds that do not exist
Sky high rents
Minimum wages
Robotic movement
Like worker bees
Going somewhere
To do something
That needs to be done
The palpable stress
And anxiety
Like a ticking bomb
Waiting to implode
The tormenting
What if’s
And how’s
The menacing
I cant’s
The false promises
To self
And looming failure
Waiting patiently
To be acknowledged
This is not mi paraiso
Nor are the crystal blue waters
Or black sand beaches
Mi Paraiso is
A light heart
And a peaceful mind
And the ability to
Go to “Paradise”
If I want to
April 20, 2009
Napowrimo #8
List all of your old flames. Try to go back as far as your first kiss in the 2nd grade coat closet. Sit with your list. Depending on your mood today, choose the flame with the most sparks, or pin the list on the wall and throw a dart. Whatever your method or mood, write a poem about an old flame.
You were my flame
There used to be fire
You don’t touch me anymore
But it doesn’t matter much
Because I can’t feel you
I wonder
If it’s even worth
Lighting the fuse
To ignite a spark
In hopes of a flame
That might heat things up
And start that fire
That once raged
Between us
April 20, 2009
Napowrimo #7
Let’s write today about nicknames. Do you have one? Is there something endearing or embarrassing that other people call you now or have in the past? Fess up!
Daddy’s little girl
His butterfly
I’d spread my arms
As if they were wings
But they were torn
Each time
Daddy did horrible things
I tried to fly
But my feet never left the ground
And try as I might
I’ll never forget the sound
Of daddy’s fist
And mommy’s cries
Of all his promises
And all his lies
I can only sit and admire
As the mockingbird sings
Because Daddy left me
With tattered
Broken wings
